We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
