Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
