oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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