Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
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I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
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Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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