You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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