apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
