Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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