I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
