What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
