She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
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the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
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I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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