Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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