question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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