Porn is love you can see.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
