Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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