we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
