it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
