Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
