Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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