Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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