But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
