Whod you bang
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
