Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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