Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
