I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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