I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
