your thong is hanging out like whoa
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
