But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
