you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
