dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
are you so shy because you have an std?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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