shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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