She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
