Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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