he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
