There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
