I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
