You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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