mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
