Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
