the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
