Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
