google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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