if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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