He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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