U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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