ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
