Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
