I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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