can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
His hands were made for my vagina.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
