Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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