you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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