Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
