God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
