In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
