Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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