I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
