my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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