Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
