I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
