these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My liver just had a heart attack.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
