My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
