tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
