Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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