this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
