Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
