he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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